Projecting Blame, Reflecting Shame
It is a fairly common trait of human beings to project blame to something or someone else. We see this is the story of the fall of man. Rather than taking responsibilities for his failure Adam said “It was this woman you gave me.” Interesting enough Adam was guilty of not protecting the garden and of eating of the fruit. I personally believe it was Adam who sinned first. If Adam had been doing is duty I believe that Adam would not have been in a place where Eve was deceived.
This may not be a popular belief but I believe the fall of man was simply that. The failure of man to protect his home (the Garden) and his family (EVE).
When Adam was confronted with his sin by the Lord he projected the blame to Eve and only reflected his shame before the Lord. No maybe about it, Adam sinned. He did what he was told not to do. He didn’t take ownership of His own decisions. I want to examine a husband and wife relationship because it is the most intimate of relationships and I believe if you have problems at work, church, with friends, it first manifests itself in your closest and most intimate relationship which is with your spouse.
“The Rabbi’s writings interestingly compares the husband-wife relationship to that of the sun and the moon. The moon merely reflects the light that it receives from the sun, for it has no light of its own. So too, a wife’s vitality depends upon the “spiritual light” that her husband shines on her. When he’s kind and considerate, she radiates. When he’s critical and stingy, she suffers in a dark cloud of sadness. Her state of mind and behavior depend on him”
The quickest way for any man to see where he stands with the Lord is to look at His relationship with his wife. After all the Lord created Adam and then took Eve out of Adam to create a helpmate. So together with your spouse you should be ECHAD.
If you have problems in your marriage I believe they are a mirror to your problems in your relationship with the Creator.
Your wife is a mirror. If you are critical of your wife you are simply being critical of yourself. It’s like looking at in the mirror, you are asking yourself to make a change. Make the change and I promise you you will see a change in your wife. Let’s be honest your home is your ministry and training ground. If your home is a mess then you need to shut your mouth in any other environment. Cause God will use your home as a training ground for any public ministry, any public influence.
If your home is a wreck and you are giving life or Spiritual advice you are a hypocrite and I see a lot of hypocrites posting Youtube and FB videos.
This should scare you because the witness you are attesting to is not your own but of the sovereignty and righteous of the ONE who has made you, redeemed you and will save you.
Observe your wife to see what her verbal and non-verbals are telling you. Devote time everyday to this. Love rebuke. Rebuke is needed for us to be able to evolve outside of our comfort zones and get closer to the Father.
Be careful of the comments and criticisms that are debilitating and arrogant. These are like boomerangs and will come back to you in due time. Can you imagine if our Heavenly Father would speak to us this way? We would crumble in shame.
It’s not 50/50 that is a lie. It’s 100/0 any expectations or need unfulfilled is only a breeding ground for animosity within our heart. Joy and growth comes from giving, and serving. Your job is to give 100% without any expectation in return. Otherwise you are a prostitute. Cause you are doing something with the goal of getting a reward for it. So is your wife, friend, etc really the problem?
Honor is powerful thing, and oddly enough for a male honor is one of the strongest motivators. But if you don’t honor your wife and her role why would she honor you? Think about it.
You always stand with your wife period! If correction is need or future communication it is to be done at home. If you shame your wife in public you are shaming your inability to lead your home and thus you pierced your own flesh.
Never hold a grudge, argue, or lose your temper. This is almost impossible for me, however, you are poisoning your own system. Learn how to communicate at the right time, place, and heart. Otherwise you are in a war, and war is meant for destruction. Do you really want to cause destruction to your wife, which is doing destruction to yourself?
So why are projecting blame? Why because we have let others and other things get in between our relationship with God. We gave them or it the power to do so. Maybe it is work, maybe it is football, maybe it is something far deeper than either of these. But no maybe about it you are the problem. You allowed it, you gave it power. It’s time for us to take back our relationships, our homes, our lives. If you aren’t willing to accept the fact that you created the environment you are in then you won’t be willing to do the work that is needed to correct it. If you are waiting for God to correct it while you continue in your ways, I have news for you, it isn’t gonna happen. #godworksthroughus but only if we are willing to let him. We often look to those with life threatening diseases as the ones who need healing. Let us not be fooled, we all need healing.
The greatest legacy you can leave in any movement/life, is the legacy of your family. Your spouse, and kids. If you refuse to invest in your home you will fail in your investments other places.